Staying where I am

I had thought it was time to move on. Time to make a change in my career and try something else. Nursing is a fabulous career that lets you go in 101 directions.  I make no apology for being an ambitious person in some ways,  small, nothing big and never unreachable and that was where my mistake was.

I thought I should move on, thought it was time to "progress" and go elsewhere for something else.  People had been asking me this last year, are you not leaving here? are you not moving on? Why do you try this? that? and what I had always held as being my dream job came up I went for it. Why would I not??

An A&E Nurse. Always always wanted this kind of job. I went to interview fully prepared and was successful and was offered a full time post! I was delighted and excited but in hind sight there was a wee niggle.  The job process moved very fast, too fast maybe. That and the festive period meant it seemed I was rocketing to the end of my job which I am now in my 4th year of. As each day moved towards the day the letter of resignation needed handed in the bad feeling grew. My stomach churned at the thought it leaving. Initially I put it down to being out of my comfort Zone, leaving the colleagues I adored but the day I typed up my resignation letter my belly was like a washing machine on full spin. I put it down to the strangeness of moving but the niggle grew.

At some point it over took me, my waking thought was the job change, when I was cooking, cleaning, showering, everything I did that job change was in my head and it was horrible. That was my cue. I knew it was wrong. Luckily for me, the last day shift I was on before Christmas the boss was on too. I do not know if she picked up on my uncertainty or if I needed her to notice but on that day we had a long chat and the choice to stay was given. I knew I had to think about it long and hard. I spent Christmas Eve thinking about it and was at that point 81% sure I was going to stay. Christmas day saw me progress to 89%, Boxing day I was at 93% and I emailed the boss that night to see if I could arrange a chat. She instantly emailed me back and I went in the next day. Ripped up my resignation letter and emailed to cancel the new post. As soon as I did that it felt right. I felt at peace. I knew and know I have done the right thing. 

A small part of me may always wonder if I had moved how would it of been but I am 100% sure this was not the move for me at this time. I will remain an Orthopeadic nurse for the time being. I am looking forward to 2019 in my job now. I have social outings to plan for the ward and look forward to them. Its a good team I work with and I will as always throw myself into training as you never know what the future brings.